30 years ago I found myself hiding in my pantry looking frantically for a little bit of alcohol to stop the shaking. My life looked fine on the outside, beautiful toddler, nice home, cars, marriage, great job as a legal assistant, friends, family, a little money in the bank...
Inside though, I knew something was very wrong. Outside I began to have the shakes first thing in the morning. I knew if I didn’t drink, I couldn’t function. I had crossed that invisible line.
I was devastated and terrified. I contemplated ending my life due to the shame and humiliation. I didn’t know I was suffering from a dis-ease and needed treatment. I thought I was a failure.
Asking for help was not a strong trait of mine. But I did ask for help. When the .428 blood alcohol level was revealed in the hospital, the doctor said, “you should be dead”. Because I had drank large quantities of vodka and wine for a long period of time, I had built up a tolerance, that’s how it goes.
A few years before I swore off using cocaine. I wanted to be sure to be a good mom. I decided I would “only drink”. That then quickly led me to the gates of private hell.
A trip to rehab, help from an amazing therapist (thank you Barbara M Teal -R.I.P.) AA and AL-ANON/CODA, a power greater than myself, and a few other therapists along the way (particularly EMDR) helped save my life.
When I stood up in rehab the first time and said, “my name is Beverly and I’m an alcoholic” I crumbled, crying hysterically from the shame and hopelessness. I thought my life was over. I didn’t know that moment would be the most powerful statement (and decision) of my life.
Admitting the problem, allowed me to find the help necessary to heal. That single horrible moment turned my life into magic. I allowed myself to receive help and everything changed.
Today I live my life authentically, I still ask for help, when needed. I have an amazing and loving husband, deep relationships with friends, and freedom. I went back to school, became a therapist, and now have a Healing Center dedicated to the holistic healing of others. All because I asked for help.
I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I laugh, cry, dream, learn, play, create, and keep moving forward no matter what, without a drink or a drug.
The darkest moment of my life transformed into a true beginning of a journey that is bigger than my mind could have imagined. A life of service. A life of love and peace.
Thank you to all of you who have helped me along the way. You know who you are.
If you are living in the shadow of an addiction of any sort, do not keep it in the dark. Reach out for help. It’s a hard journey, but worth every step.
About the Author:
Beverly C. Taylor
Founder & Certified Trauma Specialist
Beverly C. Taylor, MA LMFT is an experiential/depth psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in individual, couples and family therapy. With focus on the treatment of trauma, addiction, codependency, depression and disordered overeating, Beverly’s innate compassion and creativity lend to the development of a highly personalized approach tailored to each individual client.
After 20 years of treating trauma and addiction and while maintaining a private practice in the Santa Ynez and Solvang, California, Beverly recognized a lack of holistic mental health services available to her clients and founded the Family Counseling & Trauma Healing Center in the beautiful Santa Ynez Valley. Uplifting her community by offering integrative holistic healing services is Beverly’s most impassioned mission and is the culmination of many years of treating a wide variety of clients.
Special Interest & Services:
Beverly taught the Master’s Psychology program at Brandman University where she received the Adjunct Faculty of the Year Award.
Beverly presents and facilitates intensive weekend workshops for
healing past trauma.
Beverly offers yearly intensive retreats and workshops on professional burnout to a variety of healing professions.
Beverly is a disaster mental health volunteer for the American Red Cross. She began volunteering her services during Hurricane Katrina and has remained committed to serving her West Coast community in other capacities, primarily providing Red Cross disaster mental health services during wildfires and mudslides.
Education:
MA in Psychology with concentration in Depth Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute, California (2002)
BA – Liberal Arts with Social Work Concentration from Salisbury State University, Maryland (year)
AA - Chemical Dependency Counseling from Worcester-Wicomico Community College (year)
Board of Behavioral Sciences – LMFT #41786 from The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
EMDR Certified through EMDR International Association (EMDRIA)